The Isolation Effect: Loneliness Won't Leave Me Alone: Part 2

In this follow-up to "Loneliness Won't Leave Me Alone," host Hashim M. Garrett digs into a strange contradiction many people know but rarely admit: getting so comfortable being alone that you actually become worse at being around people. He talks through oversharing, second-guessing conversations at 2am, secretly keeping score on people's "annoying" moments, and the push-pull of wanting connection on your own terms. Honest, a little funny, and a lot relatable this episode is a reminder that solitude can be healthy, but only if you stay intentional about not losing your ability to connect.

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Thank you for joining me. Another episode on HMG Podcast. I am your host, Hashem M. Garrett. Hope you are all doing well. Today's topic is really a part two from my last show. Last show we talked about, and the title was Loneliness Won't Leave Me Alone. And so today is part two of that topic of being alone and loneliness. And one of the things I wanted to really comment on about this topic is what happens when a person has become so comfortable with being alone. Like that's a really weird place when you actually have found yourself being comfortable and enjoy your own company and kind of enjoy your own routine. You enjoy your own solitude, but you still want to have company. But you really like you like your space, you've got this rhythm. And then you you meet people and you bring them into your circle for a little second, but then you've you become so comfortable at being alone that you somehow become socially awkward. Now I'm speaking for myself. So if the shoe don't fit, then don't put it on, right? But this message ain't for everybody, but I'm sure it's for somebody. But I have found that sometimes when you are so comfortable at being alone and you do want people around, you kind of those moments where you're like, man, I've been alone just chilling too much. You kind of crave it, you want it a little bit, but then you get around them, and then the the social awkwardness kicks in. And so an example might be you're just talking a little bit too much. You're oversharing, right? And so that's like with not being able to read the room, and just like, you know, afterwards, you're like, why the heck did I say that? Why did I say that? Why what in the world? Am I so thirsty for companionship that I was just running off at the mouth? Like, there's a little social awkwardness, like, or on the flip side is you're not talking enough. And and so one of the things I found is like when you are not out there and engaging, and I'm not talking about at work, I'm not talking about you know, a church or the mosque or the synagogue. I'm not just talking about you know, and pastor by, but I'm just saying when you really start talking to somebody, you might I have found that just a little bit too much over-sharing. And then just second guessing, like afterwards, right? You know, because there's no saying that, you know, when you when you lay down, you put your head on the pillow at night, sometimes you kind of like um the old saying goes, your pillow talks to you.

unknown 3:03

Right?

SPEAKER_00 3:03

You put your head down. As soon as you put your head down, the lights go out, all of a sudden everything from the day starts kind of like coming back from nowhere. What about this? What about that? And so sometimes I found when I lay down and the pillow starts talking to me, then I'm like, oh, what was I talking about earlier? Why did I say this and why did I say that? And you can find yourself a little restless, right? So just we'll talk about that on another topic about how to help us process when the pillow is talking to us a little too much. But so here's here's the the thing that I wanted to just say is like you know, being so comfortable being alone is that sometimes you still want the people around you, you want to build community, you want relationships, but you for me again, I'm just just talking by myself. Sometimes I have found myself just oversharing. Or then there are times that a little too quiet. Or then find a thing, it's like you want the person around, and then you got them around. You're like, uh, why? Like, you in my space, like now you gotta go back. And it's like, what the heck? I want you, but I don't want you. I want you here. I kind of finally got you here, and now you're here, and I'm just like, uh, you're getting on my last nerves. What in the world is going on? I could catch 22. I want you, but I don't want you. Uh uh I want you around, but you're kind of like invading my space. And why are you talking? You know, you're not saying this out loud, but these are things that I think about sometimes. Like, oh my gosh, when's the first gonna stop talking? And it's almost like you want the people around you, but you want them on your terms. All right, I want you to do this, I want you to stop talking, I want the affection when I want it, then I don't want it. And it's like you can't have your cake and eat it too. So what I'm saying to myself, I hope this applies to someone else, is learning how to take a deep breath and listen. You know, ask ask those questions, be quiet, you know, read the room, and and just enjoy the person's company. And sometimes we can become so comfortable with being alone that when we do have people that come around us, we've kind of lost the the the the flair of just being in relationships that if we're not careful, we can push people away. And I I know I've I've I'm pretty bad at it now. Like, I'll meet somebody and I'll start talking with them and I find them attractive and we're engaging and all of this. And the next thing you know, they start saying stuff in the midst of the conversation, everything is fine, but all of a sudden I'm keeping literally a scoreboard of like, up, that was annoying. Up, that was annoying. Uh ghost, I don't even want to talk to the person no more. Literally, I'm not even calling you back. I literally am blocking your number because you you just said one, like I think you might have hit like number four. You was like one, two, three, four. That's it. I'm not even I don't even want to talk to you no more. I'm not and then and then I'm like, dad, but it was really great conversations. It was like 80 things were really cool, but that four, I think was a deal breaker. So I'm just saying, don't be like me, don't push them away. And if you do be comfortable with it later, but learn some things about yourself if you do find yourself just pushing people away. So I say this all to say when we have become so comfortable with being alone, it is not a bad thing. It is okay to be alone, and sometimes when we're alone for long periods of time, it can feel like we are being like we're lonely, right? But we just also have to understand that when we do bring people into our circle, have to try to not be so judgmental, right? We have to try our best not to be like socially awkward with just being a chatty Kathy, gotta get it. Just talking, talking, talking, right? Over sharing, saying things that have literally what in the world are you talking about? Well we we we straying off topic here, right? And and and just like being able to talk about listen, this is that's a pet peeve of mine. This is that kind of bothers me, right? I I just needed to share that with you. And I'm sure they're gonna say things about me that are pet peeve. So that's my rant for this day. All right, loneliness won't leave me alone. And sometimes I've gotten so comfortable with being alone that you forget how to really just engage and enjoy people's company without pushing them away. So if you find yourself by yourself, sometimes you may have done this to yourself. I'm gonna say that again. If you find yourself by yourself, sometimes you may have realized you have done this to yourself. All right, and so as I was saying in episode one, great things can happen when we're alone because you can't find yourself until you're by yourself. You know, a little bit of seclusion is okay. Get yourself get yourself together mentally, physically, you know, psychologically, spiritually, get yourself together, financially, get yourself, work on yourself. But be okay with you know dipping your foot in the pool and and seeing what's out there. Right? But just continue to do the work. Be cognizant when you are pushing people away. There's no saying that the tongue is one of the smallest muscles in the body, but it does the most damage. Right? So we don't have to we don't have to tear people down because we know it's easy to tear people down, and it's hard, difficult, and arduous to build people up.

unknown 8:56

Right?

SPEAKER_00 8:56

So we're we're a work in progress and we're trying to build ourselves up. So just be very careful how we're communicating, and you know, even when we're passive aggressive and giving people the cold shoulder. So, all right, listen, that's enough. Almost we're almost at the 10 minute mark here. So enough is enough. Thank you for tuning in, tell a friend. Um loneliness won't leave me alone. It could be a blessing in disguise, right? Let's just do the work, and I will close like I always do. You are special, whatever is rare or unique has enormous value, and it is the same with you. There's only one of you in this entire universe. So, whatever is rare, whatever is unique has enormous value, and it is the same with you and me and everyone that we come into contact with. All right, stay well, stay blessed.